Denial, Reality, Action

Hello, my name is Tric and I am a carbaholic.  I have been so all my life.  20 years ago my addiction caught up with me.  They radiated my thyroid as a result of hyperthyroidism aka Graves Disease.  My ability to eat all the carbs I wanted – all day long went away with just one pill but my desire for these delicious carbs did not.  That is the day it happened, that is the day not only did I fall for my addiction, I entered the world of…

DENIAL

For 20 years I went through life blaming the fact that I had gained 65 pounds not on myself, but on the fact that the doctors took away my thyroid.  It was easy, it was believable to those who didn’t know or care to know any better.  Those around me, accepted me, they did not seem to care that I had gained weight, they never mentioned to me, that I was not taking care of myself.  They just aided my denial.  I did not change the way I ate, I still enjoyed all the foods that I had before.  I wonder why no doctor, friend or at this point enemy ever mentioned what I was doing myself.

I remember telling myself, “I know I need to lose weight, but I am comfortable with my weight.” Have you ever said that, with the little voice in the back of your brain gasping for reality?  Be honest with yourself.  Time for a face palm – time for…

REALITY

Two years ago, in November, I had some pretty weird things happen to me.  They may not seem weird to you, but they were to me.  They were embarrassing as well.  Honestly, I was ashamed and regretted so much at that moment.  I had a tooth just break off while drinking a Pepsi.  It didn’t hurt, but I knew that was a sign for change, just didn’t know what changes needed to occur. There were so many that could happen and at my age, they were only getting bigger.

Next weird thing, the phone rang.  I answered it, like I normally do, the voice on the other end asked for my by my full name.  This told me, I didn’t know them and they did not know me.  I replied, “this is she”.  Their reply was probably the most hurtful thing I ever remember being said to me.  My eyes still well up today when I think of it, “No you are not!  Patricia has a vagina and you have a dick.”  They said these things because over the 40 plus years of smoking and ignoring my hormone inbalance, my voice had deepened.  I never noticed it to that degree, but it was a reality.  I hung up the phone, and cried for hours.

Well the next thing occurred, it was a little more scary than the others, but when it happened, I knew that my abuse and denial had got me there.  I started to have heart palpitations so strong, I thought I was having a heart attack.  That was it.  Time for …

ACTION

I vowed that day (Black Friday) I would stop smoking and give up Pepsi (all sodas) by the end of the year.  I knew I had to pray on it and give it to our Lord.  I knew I did not have the strength, but with God I could accomplish it.  On December 28, 2015 I had my last cigarette and never looked back.  Pretty proud of this accomplishment.  I also stopped drinking Pepsi (at least for the time).  This caused me to not gain any more weight while I dealt with the hand to mouth urges from not smoking…but I did not loose any.

REALITY – STAGE 2

Then Mother Nature decided it was time for me to be in full blown Menopause….Thought at the age of 55 it was never going to occur.  Be careful what you wish for ladies.  The end of your cycle, is the beginning to so much more.  I’m not talking about the hot flashes or irritability.  It seemed like I rolled over one morning and my once flat stomach decide it was time to balloon out.  I cried uncontrollably all the time.  My family did not want to be with me…I was lost, I was depressed, I was a human food disposal.  I ate everything in site.  I gained weight, a pound a day it seemed.  None of my clothes fit, I hated looking at myself in the mirror and honestly just wanted to disappear. Oh I dieted, I watched my calories, maintained  a 1200 calorie diet, then I still gain weight.  So, I just continued to eat whatever I wanted.  It didn’t matter what I didNo one around me seemed to care – heck, I didn’t care.

I was caring for my mother this summer, she insisted she buy me clothes because none of my fit and she wanted me to feel good about me.  She didn’t know that was only going to make it worse, but it made it worse to the point of …

ACTION – STAGE 2

On July 1, 2017, I made myself a promise.  I promised that I would lose an average of 10 pounds a month for 12 months.  Yes a total of 120 pounds.  From 255 to 135.  Now the question was HOW?  I knew I needed to reduce my carbs, but what did that I entail.  Give up breads and pastas…got it! So I did.  I researched and found the Ketogenic way of life.  It was the best thing for me.  20 grams of carbs a day. It is allowing me to …

HEAL

Today has been 4 months since I made myself that 10 pound a month promise…I have kept it not to anyone but me.  I have gone from 255 to 207… 8 more months to go – 73 more pounds. Not giving up on ME!